Do not attribute to Malice what can adequately be explained by Stupidity.
I heard this quote today in my awesome Relief Society lesson. It was related by one of the sisters but comes from the addage by Robert J. Hanlon. Anyway, we were talking about not holding grudges and how to not be offended. I love this quote because it makes me think about how people say things all the time and sometimes we get offended. But I honestly believe that most the time we don't mean to offend people. Sometimes we offended because we're extra sensitive to that things, or becuase we're just having a bad day. But the person that offends us rarely knows those things! I truely believe it's important to think about people intentions and then make our decions about how to feel about those things. I try very hard to not get offended by people. And if I do get offended, I try to forgive and forget. Unfortuneately, I'm not very good at this when it comes to my family. I expect them to be perfect and when they say things I don't like, somehow I hold grudges against them. Another thing mentioned in our class was that
"When we hold grudges, we're allowing someone to live in our heads, Rent Free!"
I completely agree with this. I know when I take offense to something, one of the only things I can think about is what I'm going to say to that person the next time I see them. I also think about what I wish I had said back. And there's usually a nice way to respond, and a clever, but terrible one. It usually takes longer to come up with the latter just cuz I'm not very clever. Ha. But I think that's a good thing because if I always said the clever, mean comment, I would leave a lot of people offended! I'm also a pretty passive, non confrontational person, so I try not to say mean things even if I want to. However, this isn't usually true if it's a member of my family. When they offend me, I'm the first person to tell them. And I don't think that's a very good thing. I know I need to more forgiving of the people that matter most in my life.
This is especially true of my husband. Because we're always together, I take out a lot of my anger on him even though he doesn't deserve it. I would like to publicaly apologive to him for that. He's the most incredible mad in the world and I don't treat him nearly as well as I should. I certainly don't mean to hold grudges against him, but it seems that everytime we fight, the same issues come up. And that's because for whatever reason I can't forgive and forget. That's something I really need to work on with myself. I need to be the most forgiving of him than any other person. I love you Justin!
In General Conference in October of 2010, Elder Neil L. Anderson said
"In our weakened moments, the adversary seeks to steal our spiritual promises. If we are not watchful, our injured, childlike spirit will retreat back into the cold, dark crust of our former bloated ego, leaving behind the warm, healing light of the Savior."
We need to leave our egos behind and CHOOSE NOT TO BE OFENDED. It's a lot easier said than done, but it's necessary if we are to really become like the Savior, and to have a happy life. I know I'm a lot happier when I'm on good terms with all the people in my life. If I've ever offended you, please tell me so we can get passed it. I want to make it all right for everyone involved. I hope you can join me in my quest to be more forgiving.